88 Times Cosmopolitan Had The Worst Dating And Sex Advice, So Bad They Ended Up On This Group

June 02, 2023

In theory, dating should be the simplest thing in the world. Just be yourself, and when you least expect it, the person of your dreams will come strolling into your life! But as we all know, we often make it much more complicated than necessary, thanks in part to some of the terrible advice magazines publish on the topic…

We’ve taken a trip to the [Stuff] Cosmo Says subreddit and gathered some of the most ridiculous dating and relationship advice the world has ever seen down below. If you’re looking for the love of your life, we’d advise steering clear from any of these tips. But if you’re looking for a laugh and to see some pics that might make you lose faith in humanity, scroll on, pandas!

#1 That’s Called Gay

Image credits: ErodedPlasma

#2 Creates Buzz In The Bedroom

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#3 Well Cosmo, Which One Is It??

Image credits: opheliaaaa888

If you’re in a happy, healthy and committed relationship, you might be shocked to find out that this kind of advice is actually being published by people who are getting paid. But, on the other hand, if you’ve ever been on a terrible date (which, let’s face it: we all have!), you might not be so surprised. Perhaps someone you met on Tinder and ended up having dinner with learned that it might be a good idea to start touching your feet under the table or ordering for you from one of these questionable publications.

However, lucky for those of us who are actually sane, we have the [Stuff] Cosmo Says subreddit to laugh at “all the worst from the world's most dangerous sex and relationship advice.” This community, which has been around for a decade now, is primarily focused on sharing questionable advice that’s been published in Cosmopolitan magazine, but they don’t discriminate. “We will welcome bad advice from anywhere,” the mods write in the group’s About Community.

#4 An Old Image Taken From A Women's Magazine. Not Satire

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#5 Hypocrite 101

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#6 Halo Brows

Image credits: Cosmopolitan

[Stuff] Cosmo Says has amassed an impressive 104k members through sharing the world’s worst sex and relationship advice, and unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how you look at it), there seems to be no shortage of awful advice being shared. If you’re not familiar with Cosmopolitan, you likely won’t be very impressed by the magazine’s content from this list. But surprisingly, the publication wasn’t always pumping out advice on how to suck a man’s toes or how to avoid ever paying on dates.

According to Cosmopolitan's website, the magazine “debuted in 1886 as a ‘family journal’ and then became known as a literary magazine for the first half of the 20th century.” Once editor Helen Gurley Brown took over the brand, however, the magazine was transformed into “what you know and love today” (Cosmo’s words, not mine): “a destination for real talk about all the things that matter to you, from pop culture and sex to politics and your career.”

#7 Reader Poll About Women's Preferences In The Size Of A Male Partner's Faeces

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#8 Spoiler: It Did Not Work And Don't Do This

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#9 Cosmo Has Amazing Flirting Advice

Image credits: reddit.com

Cosmopolitan describes themselves as “the biggest young women’s media brand in the world,” so clearly they have a lot of influence on the internet. However, the magazine is notorious for sharing “unhinged” sex and relationship tips and advice that would likely make most readers raise their eyebrows. According to WJEC in the UK, Cosmo’s demographic is primarily women between the ages of 18-34, with the average reader being a 31-year-old woman with a household income of around £50,000. 45% of readers are single, and readers spend, on average, 75 minutes perusing the magazine.

#10 Guess I’m Gay Then

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#11 I Cant

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#12 So...people Really Get Paid To Write This S**t

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For over a decade now, Cosmopolitan has received criticism for sharing not only comically bad advice, but also advice that might actually be harmful to readers. Kate Power wrote a piece for WHYY in 2013 breaking down how unhealthy the obsession with flattening women’s bellies and burning off those “guilty pleasure treats” is. Power notes that publications such as Cosmo and Women’s Health stigmatize eating, encourage eating disorders and fatphobia and are far from promoting body positivity, all under the guise of promoting health. Thankfully, Cosmo doesn’t seem to share such harmful advice in their Health and Fitness section today, but the impact of those articles they pumped out in the early 2000s and 2010s does not disappear overnight.

#13 8 Reasons Why Cheating Isn't Actually That Bad

Image credits: reddit.com

#14 I Don't Know, That Sounds A Bit Too Harrowing For Me

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#15 When You Need To Macgyver Some Mints, Cosmo's Got You Covered

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Now, Cosmo may be the magazine mentioned in the title of this online group, as they’re the most successful and the most famous for sharing this kind of advice, but they’re certainly not the only ones guilty of sharing questionable and downright terrible advice. Julia Belluz wrote a piece for Vox in 2015 detailing why women’s magazines are “bad for our health,” and not much has changed since then. When it comes to the health and lifestyle advice in these magazines, Belluz notes that many of it comes from celebrities, who are in no way experts on the topics, and often boast miracle diets and unhealthy restriction that aren’t sustainable in any way.

#16 Who Knew Hummus Could Be So Sexy? (Courtesy Of Buzzfeed)

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#17 Jeffrey Epstein As Cosmo's Bachelor Of The Month

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#18 With Tips Like These, We Can All Be "Hot Girls" In No Time

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It’s no secret that many of these women’s magazines also prey on their readers' insecurities, pressuring them to buy expensive products they don’t actually need and attempt to look like celebrities who wouldn’t even look like themselves without plenty of plastic surgery and photoshop. “Not only are these celebrities genetic anomalies, but they also dedicate their lives to beautifying their faces and bodies; their careers hinge on this,” Belluz explains, noting why we shouldn't compare ourselves to them. “The rest of us have other things to worry about in our lives, and trying to look like Kim or Angelina is a frustrating exercise in futility.”

#19 Yeah, This Makes Way More Sense Than Just Picking The One You Like More

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#20 Cosmo Today vs. 4 Years Ago

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#21 Which Is The Best One? Hard To Pick

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According to GoodTherapy, just three minutes flipping through a fashion magazine can make women feel guilty, ashamed and depressed. They also report that, regardless of a woman’s size, we are all equally negatively impacted by viewing images of extremely thin models in fashion magazines. So why do we continue to buy into ridiculous advice from toxic magazines? Even if we know it’s harmful and doesn’t teach us any actual, beneficial knowledge, readers can’t help but pick up the latest edition of Vogue or Cosmo when checking out at the grocery store.

#22 Haha What

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#23 Well This Isn't Creepy

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#24 Way To Go, Reddit. You Made It A "Thing"

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If you’re actually searching for advice for dating and relationships, it’s recommended to consult an expert. There are plenty of dating experts, couples counselors and therapists who can help you much more than a silly Cosmo article that was likely written just for fun. Don’t feel ashamed if you can’t contort your body in the ridiculous ways Cosmo recommends, and please refrain from comparing yourself to any of the celebrities who promote questionable diets and swear that their faces are “all natural.” Feel free to read these magazines if they are your cup of tea, pandas! But if they ever make you feel bad about yourself or lead you astray, don’t hesitate to swap them out for an actual book! (Or, you know, Bored Panda...)

#25 Courtesy Of Twitter?

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#26 14 Things The Average Woman Thinks While Giving A Blowjob (From Cosmopolitan.com)

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#27 I Can Finally Decode My Man

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If you’re in a relationship, we hope this list has made you count your blessings, pandas. And if you’re currently single, well, don’t feel so bad about not finding “the one” yet. You definitely don’t want to settle for anyone who takes this advice seriously! We hope you’re enjoying these hilarious pics, pandas; keep upvoting the ones you can’t believe weren’t published satirically. Then, if you’re interested in checking out another Bored Panda article discussing awful relationship advice, we recommend checking out this list next!